Depression is bad and getting worse. I watch Clean House and see how much they get in the yard sales. I made $10. I have nothing worth anything. And if I had sold my fat clothes I would be in really deep shit right now.

Every time I start to make progress I fall back even further. I don’t even care to pick up the things that fall on the floor.

10 pm

Okay, so let’s get something straight. Depression is not lazy. I think being lazy can lead to depression, but just not the other way around.

I’ve been struggling for weeks now – going into months. I know why. Having a reason behind the depression doesn’t make it easier.

There is no “snap out of it.” There is no easy fix. There is only long, slow climb back out. If I didn’t have something to climb back out for this time, I don’t know that I could. Before, I could always find something – or create something. Before, I had Sassy.

This time is so very different. This time I do have someone waiting on the other side for me. (I sometimes feel Sassy waited until I did before she left me.)

I wish I could say it makes it easier. All I can say is - it makes it possible.

One long slow step after another.