October 4, 2001
Have I said how tired I am yet? But it’s only midnight. I can’t go to sleep now.
I’m searching my brain. There’s something in here and I can’t sleep until I find it.
Answers
Pooh Bear: Think, Think, Think
They’re in there.
Someone to talk to. Wish I had someone to talk to. Need real human response.
You see, I’m making new friends now. But what good does it do now? Can’t bring these thoughts to them. No answers there. No answers.
Dammit Tony! You used to help me get through this. You made it all make sense.
You made it all make sense.
My coffee is making noises. I can hear it. I don’t remember this coffee making noises before. Great, now I’m getting paranoid about my coffee. Need coffee. Need to stay awake.
Couldn’t sleep anyway. MHMR nurse asked me if I’m having racing thoughts.
Am I?
I think I know my problem. I don’t need money. I don’t want money. The only thing I want money for is my purple couch and chair which I will have to pay off. I definitely want other things. My God, the Franklin Mint
just sent me another fantasy catalog. I used to be one of their best customers. If I had the money one of the first things I would do is get my dragon tattoo. So, yes, I want things. But even more I want to do things.
Mom and Dad thought it was so important that I have a larger tv. It’s nice. I like it. It was nice of them to want to give it to me for my birthday. I appreciate it.
But I want a color copier. See, Mom and Dad think a color copier is a waste of money. I can see ways a color copier would not only save money but bring in money. Can a tv do that? (remember past entries? watching tv is
not being lazy. watching tv is “doing something”)
There are people out there who would buy my jewelry. There are people who desperately need a properly — not poorly — designed web site. And I have to waste my time pushing papers around just to make money? I thought I could save enough money. I can’t save any money. I’m able to pay this month’s bills. Barely. I don’t know what I would do come November and December without Mom and Dad. By then I’ll have no money left. But like I said, I don’t really need money. I do have Mom and Dad. Now.
I’ve got to do something. Shrink Art is something I can do that won’t cost a lot. With less than $20 of Polyshrink I can make $400. Only there are other costs. Just keep those costs down and all I need is a market.